Orphans: Life’s Little Guilt Trips

Look, I'll put out the fires just for the gold.

LOCATION: Brill, Tirisfal Glades (Possibly others)

FACTION: Horde (Possibly Neutral)

Honestly, I don’t know if the Orphans ever said this is any other locations or for the Alliance during Hallow’s End.  Haven’t tested it since it only comes around once a year. If anyone knows, I’ll gladly change it.

Orphans.  They’re everywhere it seems.  In the spring we have to deal with Children’s Week, where we lug this hapless kids around all of Azeroth.  Not just Azeroth, but Outland and Northrend now too.  In the fall we have to save their orphanage from the tyrannical fire bombings of the Headless Horseman.  And why?  Why do we do this?  Well certainly there’s the monetary gain and pets, but surely there are better pets and more money to be had for an easier task.  No.  The reason is guilt.  It’s our war that took these poor little brats parents.  Heck, I’ve slaughtered my share of Alliance and Horde NPCs.  Surely some of them had to have kids.  So we take them. We drag them around.  We buy them whatever we want.  But what if it wasn’t just an event…  but a PLOT?

The Strange, Strange Policies of Trolls

This is how I see the world.

LOCATION: Zul’Aman, Ghostlands

FACTION: Horde

Since the early Blood Elf quests, there has been an on-going battle for the lands of Quel’thalas between the members of the Amani trolls and the Blood Elves.  This has been going on since the Second War.  The Amani has a massive empire just to the east of Quel’Thalas (Currently the region known as the Ghostlands).  Their empire is huge, what you get to see in Quel’Thalas is only the tip of the Trolls domain (Note that the Zul’Aman wall extends well into Eversong Woods as well), full of angry, bitter, troll warriors.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the trolls, who have had nothing to do but reproduce and train for the past decade, far out number the recently dwindled Blood Elf population.

So why don’t they just take over? Instead of setting up small encampments along the outside of their wall for easy pickings by the Farstriders?  The answer may come from looking merely at the  surroundings of their empire.

Urgent Update on Silvermoon’s Cat Situation!

LOCATION: Silvermoon City, Eversong Woods

FACTION: Horde

Ages ago I criticized the cats of Silvermoon, contemplating their purpose in the chic empire of the Blood Elves.  Well, my friends, I have an answer.

Wait... I thought the Magician's Apprentice starred a MOUSE.

They. Are. Supervisors.

No joke.  The cats are the once who keep the brooms in line.  Just take a look at the photo.  The cats are watching the brooms intently, and spend the rest of the time doing nothing.  That sounds like supervisors to me.  Perhaps there are ranks of management above them, too.  Maybe the cats secretly report to the leper gnomes (You know, a perk to being enslaved and all) and the leper gnomes report to the succubi, and on upwards…  I doubt anyone reports to the broom. I mean, it’s a broom.  It doesn’t even have a brain.

Go ahead. Call me a broom-ist, but what are they gonna do? Clean me? HA HA!

We Dug Too Deep, Too Greedily…

Hey look! It's like a metaphor for those "Moral Choices" I keep hearing about in video games these days.

Location: Splintertree Post, Ashenvale

Faction: Horde

Far to the back of the horribly designed Splintertree Post (Come on, would it be that hard to consolidate the entire place in a sensible fashion?  You got some of it in the walls, some of it outside of the walls, and even more of it on the other side of the road and down the ways a bit…), lies a long and dark tunnel.  Filled with a red haze, this twisting turning cavern has no one in it, and leads to nowhere.  I’ve seen people use this as a staging ground for RP or World PvP events (Kill the target in the cave before the buzzer tolls and you win!), but these aren’t really explanations for its eerie presence in the woods.  However, from the red fog to the flames lining the path, I do believe that there is another explanation…

Love the Goblins, Hate the Needles

I don't know what's worse. The poor attempt at impressionism, or the knife throwers aim.

Location: Booty Bay, Stranglethorn Vale

Faction: Neutral

((By the Light! How was that for a bloody hiatus?  6 whole months since my last post?  Where do I get off doing that?  Oh that’s right… I was finishing my degree.  And I did! Yay! Me!  Now I got an overstock of the WEIRD to catch up on!))

Now, don’t get me wrong. I like Booty Bay.  Yes, I know, I spent hours slaughtering their Bruisers and leaders to get a fancy looking hat, but in the end, I really do enjoy their city.  It’s a one of a kind place.  Look at almost every other goblin town, be it Gadgetzan, Area 52 or K3 and they roughly all have the same Mos Eisley Spaceport look and feel to them (Ratchet is the exception, but judging from the number of empty buildings in that place, my guess is the Goblins “invested” in it rather than built it).  Booty Bay is a pirates town alright, like an Azerothian Tortuga, and there’s pirate grudges and feuds all about.

The oddest grudge I’ve found there though can be found in one of the houses a stones throw from the inn.  Inside is a large painting of what appears to be Thousand Needles, and daggers flung into it.  Now, I’ve heard of fearing or hating a place because of what’s there (Silithids, Worgen,  billions of skeletons, and lag come to mind for a few places around Azeroth) but all that’s in 1K Needles is Goblins and Tauren. One runs Booty Bay and the other can’t figure out that’s flying lizard mommies produce flying lizard babies.  So what could these people possibly have against 1K Needles?

Man is in the Forest

It's fortunate for this lot that Nesingwary is busy in the Sholazar Basin.

Location: Near the Westfall Brigade Encampment, Grizzly Hills

Faction: Neutral

Tired of slaughtering legions of undead monstrosities?  Exhausted from battling the endless waves of Blue Flight?  Well, how about a trip down memory lane with some children’s cartoons?  That’s right. In the midst of the war zone of damnation and suffering that is Northrend, the cute and cuddly world of Disney has come to pay us a visit.

For those of you who still can’t get it from the picture, that’s the WoW version of the Bambi team (Bambina = Bambi, Thudder = Thumper, Flora = Flower).  But sadly not all is going so well for the team of cheerful singing animals, as history is always bound to repeat itself.

Lost in Translation

Judging from the definition of BUR, Westfall LOVES me.

Location: The Filthy Animal, Dalaran, Crystalsong Forest

Faction: Horde

While I’m sure that Horde/Alliance relations haven’t exactly been strong in the past, some of these rough translations of the Alliance used ‘Common’ tongue seem to be a bit off.  The only one that is actually accurate (to a point of astonishment) is the translation for “What Can I Do Fer Ye?”

This actually holds an amazing bit of wisdom that only the Goblins seem to have had the mind to cash in on.  Which is the only thing to break through three wars of bitter hatred between these two factions is the desire to get completely hammered and party hearty with any form of alcoholic beverage they can get there hands on.  Brewfest, as Blizzard pointed out in their own trailer for the event, is the only thing to get these two warring factions to lay down arms against each other.

Beer truly is the source and solution to all of life’s problems…

Whats In a Last Name?

Location: Dalaran, Crystalsong Forest

Faction: Neutral

If there has ever been a point to envy the NPCs of Azeroth, it’s the fact they can have last names.  Sylvannus Windrunner, Muradin Bronzebeard, Cairne Bloodhoof…  even the random people in the inns can have last names.  But the players? Nope.  Never.  Closest we get is Titles, and as much as I enjoy being called Loremaster Exil or Bloodsail Admiral Vrykerion, it’s not exactly the same thing as Exil Williams or Vrykerion Thoriallus.

So it strikes me as interesting when an NPC doesn’t have a last name.  Sometimes it can be a cultural thing.  But when a well known figure who does have a last name chooses to not show it…  I kinda start getting curious.  Such is the nature of one Rhonin of the Kirin Tor.  He sits in Dalaran, saying next to nothing. He gives out one quest for a dungeon, and sends a box of potions for dinging 80.  All the while, the sole name RHONIN hanging over his head.

The Azerothian Patient

Extract Little Black Box. Requires Engineering 520.

Location: Southbreak Shore, Tanaris

Faction: Neutral

One fine day, I got very bored and decided to see what the little stretch of land at the far south end of Tanaris was.  You know, the one that’s south of pirates, south of Uldum and on the otherside of the mountains with no actual means to enter it.  So I swam.

To be honest, Southbreak isn’t extremely impressive.  Lots of turtles and sand, the sight of a far off island even further south, and a crashed plane.  Wait… what?  That’s right, there’s a crashed gnomish plane on the deserted beach.  There’s really no sign of who or what it belonged to.  I took it upon myself to think up a story for it.

Demons Need Love Too

Well, I suppose you can't just find it in your grocer's freezer or anything.

Location: Felfire Hill, Ashenvale

Faction: Neutral

If you ever needed a reason to actually read some of those quest items you randomly pick up through the game, this is a good one.  I decided to flip through a copy of “Diabolical Plans” that drop off various demons in Ashenvale and found it to have an insightful twist.  What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a demon with a heart. One he did not rip out of another person’s chest, mind you.  No, this one is all his own.  And apperently is quite fond of not only writing love letters to ‘lashers’ (which are the succubus’ in the area) but does so with the blood of night elf virgins (Oh, are the Priestesses of Elune becoming endangered?)

I can’t exactly blame Diathorus.  As any warlock can tell you, succubi are hawt. As any patron of an Ironforge mailbox can tell you, Night Elves are hawt.  Wouldn’t you do the same in his shoes…  hooves…   feet?  Is Diathorus really such a bad guy?

Yes. Yes he is. He’s a frickin Demon.